This is never an easy thing to do. Not for anyone. Why though?
Why do we find it so hard to be honest in certain situations, even with ourselves. The three main questions to look at would be:
Why is it so hard to admit to lying?
Why do we find it easier to lie in certain situations?
How can I be set free from the lies and from lying?
The first question is quite simple to explain. If you are honest with yourself, the reason we rather lie, is because admitting to lying is so embarrassing, it leaves us vulnerable, it shows our imperfections, it shows our failures, it shows our weakness and more often than not the root of lying is FEAR.
We fear an outcome that is not even accurate. We form all these scenarios in our minds and we choose the worst outcome and then we think it would be better or easier to lie. The problem with this is that 99% of the time we fear an inaccurate outcome.
Here is the the thing though; we simply cannot predict how the person you want to lie to is going to react to the truth. Which leaves you with more questions. Is it worth risking the relationship by lying or is the person more important than your own insecurities?
Placing ourselves in a world of lies will leave you with more challenges and uncertainties and of course just more lies in order to keep up with the lie you started out with. I find that one of the greatest mysteries is that even though most of us know the above to be true, it still feels easier to choose the path of lying.
Why? The answer I believe is that we choose our emotions over what we know is the truth. And this is where we go wrong. Believing your emotions in certain situations will make lying seem like the only option. Furthermore it is not ones intent to hurt or harm the people close to us, because let's face it, the lies we tell to the people in our immediate circle are the outcomes we fear most.
A simple example: A child and a parent. The child does not want to admit to the truth because they fear the outcome, the consequence, so they lie. Instead of standing on the truth and the truth is; the parent loves the child and even though consequence has to be applied the truth is, it is just as hard for that parent to applies the consequence.
However, as a parent it is our responsibility to show our children and help them understand consequences. Unlike some parents might imagine kids are not designed like a light switch which you can simply turn on at the age of 18 and expect them to function in society. No; they have to learn life within our homes in order for them to do life in the world.
They need to understand the difference between the lie and the truth. The lie is continual and you get entangled further and further. The truth comes with consequence and once that is over it is truly over and everyone moves on.
Another example. Marriage.
This one seems to be a bit more complicated. Be honest with yourself though. Is it really?
Yes, your spouse will get hurt by some of the truths, your spouse will be angry, your spouse might leave. These are the things we want to avoid. However, we forget why we are in a marriage or relationship in the first place.
You see, while lies are birthed out of fear and embarrassment love is the complete opposite. And if you truly love someone you cannot help but forgive that person. It might take time to build trust again but our first truth is. I love this person and will therefore work through my own disappointment and hurt.
Not always this easy though, for if it was there would be less broken marriages and homes.
However if we choose the person above all else we will find that the outcome always end favorable. What do I mean? Well think about this. The people in your inner circle or the people you work with or the maybe even the stranger in the coffee shop; are they not worth more than an argument birthed out of emotions. Are they not worth more than our pride? Are they not worth more than our weaknesses?
If we start valuing people more than the short lived arguments or disagreement we start living lives free. Free from guilt and free from the need to act on our lying impulses.
Lying does the opposite. We lie because we value ourselves more than the people around us. We allow our survival instinct grow into an unquenchable monster, trapping you in a desert of lies without the hope of a drop of water.
The truth of the matter is; Lying is for ourselves, our own pride, our own insecurities and our own selfishness.
Maybe you are reading this article and you think to yourself. I know this is true and I know I tend to do the same thing.
So the question beckons how do I get free from it?
The first step would be admitting the truth to yourself. Then placing value on people instead of yourself. Then choose people rather than you fears.
This in itself being a long process requiring much patience and isn't a quick fix or a 3 step guide to a quick fix. This is a journey and it continues with you throughout your life. And you might find along the way you need extra motivation or help. If you choose the people above yourself you will find the help necessary. And sometimes the help comes in forms we don't like, we then reject it because it makes us uncomfortable. Don't. try to avoid this because the same way we should choose people above our fears and shortcomings someone else is choosing you above theirs.
We hope this article shed some light on what we go through and why we choose lying and why it is so difficult to admit. If you need help please reach out to someone and if you need a more hands on approach like making use of our services. You have come to the right place. For the mission of Lies2Light is giving hope restoring relationship and giving back dignity to people. It is not condemnation and judgement.